This morning, I came down the steps to, Derek, washing dishes, loading dishes, and starting breakfast. Immediately I was elated. I sat down on the island finishing some emails on my phone. He finished up the dishes, washed the sink, and started making our blueberry pancakes.
In that very moment, I couldn’t help but think about how grateful I am that he’s mine. How grateful I am that he respects my wants, cares for my needs, and helps me whenever he can.
That also made me think about never ending conversations I have about homelife stress.
I cannot tell you the amount of times I’ve had a conversation with whomever about, Derek, doing x,y,z around the house or with the kids followed up with a comment about ‘how lucky I am.'
This phrase sits uneasy to me for a lot of different reasons…
Now hold on, Karen, I am not being insensitive, I completely understand the hustle and bustle of life- school, sports, band, homework, reading, grocery shopping, laundry, housework, etc. It typically is a never-ending list.
However, recruiting help from your partner makes this list a lot more manageable.
Women are notoriously great at running things at home until they can no longer run anymore. Why at this point do we ask for help?
As women, our bodies were not and are not made to withstand the toxic cesspool of a world we live in. It’s engraved in us to do much more than we physically or mentally can, all with a smile, all while trying to be perfect. It’s engraved in us to order these toxic, miracle creams/serums to help make us feel young. It’s engraved in us that the social media world is real life. It’s engraved in us that this zombie, exhausted from sun up to sun down, mom lyfe thing is ‘normal’. Well, I’m here to tell you that that’s a bunch of crap.
Did you know that 75% of all autoimmune disorders are diagnosed with women? And that number continues to increase- as does female cancers.
What we put in our bodies matters.
No, I don’t mean just the food we are eating or the drinks we are drinking. I’m referring to all the negative energy that we consume- the gossip, the negative comments, the negative thoughts. All of it is breaking us down internally. Surround yourself with who brings peace and happiness to your life. I don’t care if you’ve been friends for 25 years- if you aren’t going to make yourself a priority, who is?
What we put on our bodies matters.
It’s getting to be the time of year again where extra lotion is needed. Before you grab that Bath & Body Works lotion, do your body a favor and toss it in the trash. Our makeup and skincare routines are FULL of toxins. All the while preaching natural or safe (insert eye roll emoji). Toxins that are linked to endocrine disruption, cancer, reproductive toxicity, neurotoxicity, and the list goes on. One that is very easy to spot and used often is ‘fragrance/parfum’. Anything with this listed in the ingredients deserves a spot in the trash.
You are doing so much better than you’re giving yourself credit for, Mama!
How can we change this?
#1 Give yourself the grace you deserve. No one is perfect.
#2 Have a respectful conversation about your needs.
#3 ASK FOR HELP!
#4 Love yourself.
#5 When you lay down for bed tonight, give yourself every positive affirmation you can possibly think of.
If you don’t make time for your wellness, you will be forced to make time for your illness. If you would like to chat about what Functional Medicine can do for you, please complete our Free Online Health Assessment at the top of this page.
As always, let's get back to health!
Being a mom is hard. Right now, most moms are juggling their careers, while being their children’s teacher, while being daycare for their younger children, while continuing daily home tasks.
Did you know that right now, today, there are more single mothers than ever in history? In 2019, there were 15 million single mother-headed households and 25% of families are headed by a single parent (80% of those households are headed by moms).
Now, this blog isn’t directed solely at single moms. You could be a mom who sometimes feels like a single mom, one that used to be a single mom, or one that simply relates to what I’m going to type. Either way, moms need our support- probably now more than ever.
This blog is for you, my single moms. Mother’s Day is fast approaching- just know, we see you and we appreciate you. (I’m sending extra love to those that won’t have their kiddos on Sunday per their placement order.) I am typing this to bring a sigh of relief, relatability, and positivity. I, too, was a single mom for most of my son’s life.
I am a co-parent. Am I the only one that almost feels dirty saying that? It took me a lot, and I mean, a lot of years to be comfortable saying that. Co-parenting is hard- and I mean extremely hard, painstaking hard. It’s truly exhausting physically, mentally, and emotionally. Every holiday needs coordination, every appointment, every life changing thought- not only coordinated with your current significant other, but also your child’s father. Speaking of significant other, you first need to find the one that’s worthy of your love and your child’s love. That loves your child as their own. Once you find that, never let it go. And never, ever trust a man or woman who tries to destroy you when they're angry.
With all of this comes stress, worry, fear and last but not least- anger and frustration. These five emotions are detrimental to your health. These five emotions can destroy your happiness and suck the positivity from your life. Read that back, you caught the ‘can destroy your happiness’, right? It doesn’t HAVE to.
The next time you feel overwhelmed in your co-parenting situation, when you feel like you may succumb to the demons of negativity, close your eyes and take a deep breath. Don’t send that text that you’re angrily typing, don’t say those words that you’ll never get back, just take a deep breath. At the end of the day, you can only control what you can control- leave the rest to the big man upstairs. If the deep breathing doesn’t cut it, go for a bike ride, go for a walk, throw the cheap store boughten eggs at a tree in the backyard. Whatever you do, turn that rush of negativity into positivity, your body will thank you.
The dreaded ‘single mom stigma’ (insert eye roll emoji). Having a different last name than your child isn’t this centuries scarlet letter. The world we live in is full of loving, supporting individuals- just like it’s full of hating, undermining individuals. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. If someone is making you feel that way, that’s not someone that needs to take up anymore space in your life. Life is too short to be anything but happy. I know, that’s incredibly cliché, but it’s true. If someone is projecting their doubt onto you- cut the cord.
If you’re unhappy with your job, find one that makes you happy. If you’re unhappy with your home situation, develop a plan that brings you happiness. Sitting around and dwelling on the ‘what ifs’ is only holding you back. A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor.
The Mom Guilt
Damned if you do, damned if you don’t- is how I feel about it. I’m very blunt, many can attest to that. Remember when I was talking about not dwelling on the ‘what ifs’? A huge portion of mom guilt stems from those two words. You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.
Your mental health is vital. STOP wondering if your children know they’re loved. (They do.) STOP questioning if you’re a failure. (You aren’t.) Staying in a relationship solely because you created children is like staying on the Titanic because you shaped the steel.
As moms, we tend to focus all our energy on our children. But you can’t help your children if you aren’t helping yourself. What do I mean by that? STOP beating yourself up for needing me time. STOP beating yourself up for having to work two jobs to put food on the table and make ends meet. STOP beating yourself up for asking for help. We all need help, at some point in our lives.
To all my single mamas reading this, know you’re not alone. It’s okay to have a rough day- tomorrow is always a new day. It’s not okay to be stuck in a void, just going through the motions. If you feel this way, please reach out! I’m here to tell you there is hope. And remember, you were someone before you were their mom- and that someone matters.
I still remember the days that I prayed for what I have now.
All my love,
Let’s Talk About Toxic Emotions!
I’m going to be very straightforward, this blog post is predominately for women, sorry guys! Yes, guys have toxic emotions as well. But today, I am catering to females. However, I see that eye roll (insert a man’s name)- I will be posting a man inspired blog post as well!
As a clinician, it would be foolish to overlook the significant impact and influence psychological factors (thoughts and emotions) have on our immune system. The medical literature has overwhelming proven that psychological events alter brain and hormonal activities and to the surprise of many, the brain and endocrine systems have physical contact with each other and with the immune e system. What does this mean? Negative thoughts, emotions, actions, and situations can impact your physical well-being.
These toxic emotions are called stressors. A stressor is defined as “any sort of external or internal challenge that disrupts the physiological equilibrium or homeostasis of an individual.” Psychology and medicine define stress as anything that causes a stress response, eliciting a fight-flight response and/or an alarm reaction. For example, when you think about a situation where you were hurt or abused, do you feel emotional pain? Does your heart beat a little faster? THAT is stress.
A book written by Archibald Hart called Adrenaline and Stress, explains that stress begins in the mind but ends in the body. There is no such thing as stress only being in the mind. This means, there will be consequences in our physical bodies, due to negative thoughts or emotions. However, it’s important to realize that there are positive impacts with positive thoughts and emotions. Even more interesting is the discovery by Mason, in 1971, that different attitudes affect different immune cells in different ways, affecting how we respond to different invaders or antigens.
Did you know there is an association with autoimmune diseases and self-hatred? While we attack ourselves with our thoughts, words, or actions, we see a consistent conditioned autoimmune response potentially resulting in an autoimmune disease. Clinical research shows that specific negative emotions with self-bitterness are involved in the formation of auto-antibodies. According to scientific researcher, Singh, certain negative emotions elicit the body to produce specific auto-antibodies that only attack a specific cell or organ in our body.
Okay, I’m done slamming you with science. I now want to transition into a huge part of why women have toxic emotions and how to help. RELATIONSHIPS! Now, I’m not just talking about a relationship with your significant other. I’m talking ALL relationships- girl friends, guy friends, bosses, mother, mother-in-law, Susan from church- you get my drift. These all have either a positive or negative impact on your mental/emotional health, which correlates to your physical health, as stated above.
Do your girl friends empower and push you to do better and be better? Or do they nit pick on any and everything you do- to constantly cast shade and judgement? The people you surround yourself with have a HUGE impact on your life. I read a quote the other day saying, you are who you surround yourself with, and I couldn’t agree more. If your “friends” aren’t supporting your achievements, honey, they aren’t your true friends. Don’t keep toxic people in your life because “you’ve known them since childhood”. Cut. The. Cord.
Did you know that today, in 2019, on average, a woman working full time earns 80.7 cents for every dollar a man working full time earns? Do you think your boss undervalues you? Speak up- obviously in a professional and respectable manner. The other day I was talking to a mom friend who well deserved a raise, a raise that was long ago promised. She did her homework- comparable positions with comparable experience, went to a couple interviews, received other job offers, and presented this to her boss to show HER worth. He was thoroughly impressed. She left that office with the raise.
Empowered women empower women. Let’s spread love, not hate.
If you would like more information on what toxic emotions are doing to your health, don’t hesitate to contact us. After years of added stress, your hormones have taken the brunt, we are here to help them function correctly.
Referenced: INSIDER’S GUIDE TOXIC EMOTIONS By Ron Grisanti, D.C. & Dicken Weatherby, N.D.
Dr. Taryn Stittleburg, DC, CFMP, PSc.D